


These Are My Confessions

by reigningqueenofwords



Series: Dean’s Soul Mate [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 13:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19702312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords





	These Are My Confessions

_Sammy_ -

Seeing the person that means the world to you break down kills you. I’ve faced Lucifer. I’ve gone against dickbag angels. I’ve been torn to shreds by hell hounds, shot, stabbed, punched, kicked, and who knows what else. Nothing, and I mean nothing, compares to the fear and pain of being the reason your soul mate breaks down.

I should probably start with happier times, right, Sammy? Many you were there for, but you weren’t behind the scenes. 

We stayed in her little apartment all weekend. Talking, laughing, and getting to re-know each other. We also cried, talked about what happened at the bunker, and decided to work past it.

After she put in her two weeks (because you know she couldn’t just quit), I drove back to the bunker to grab some clothes. You called me crazy, shook your head, and smiled. I knew then that things would be okay, at least for a little while.

Over the following year we had the usual couples moments- bickering, giving each other the silent treatment until we forgot why we were mad, going on dates, and falling asleep in each other’s arms. Now, I’ll let you know now… Agreeing to hold off on sex? Hardest thing I have ever done. Hands down. Also the most heartfelt. I’d do anything for her, you know that. I didn’t bat an eye or hesitate when we had that talk. I instantly agreed. I’d gone this long, right? What was a bit longer? 

I proposed to her by a lake. We were on the way home from a date, and I saw how the moonlight reflected off the lake. I knew that she would enjoy that. I’d had the ring in my wallet for a couple months now. It was nothing like she deserved, but she said it was perfect. I slipped it on her finger, and felt myself swell with pride. 

Telling you that we were getting married was cake walk. You were excited for us, told us to ‘wrap it before you tap it’, and grinned. Boy did she blush.

I never in my life thought I’d be the type to enjoy planning a wedding. What man would? So much stuff! And yet, I enjoyed every little thing. Seeing her light up when we agreed on flowers made me love her more. I’m not a fan of cake, but man, cake tasting is awesome. We had picked chocolate and a raspberry creme, by the way. Would have been mouth watering. The only thing I never saw was her wedding dress. I tried getting hints. I tried guessing. She would smile, kiss me gently, and tell me to be patient.

Then came the Mark of Cain. She worried, would hold me close, fearful that she was losing me. I would reassure her that everything would be okay.

We continued to plan. We continued to let our excitement grow. Even with all the shit coming our way, her love never wavered.

The wedding would have been tomorrow. I don’t know where she is now. Is she with you? Did she go to her parents? Part of me is glad that I don’t know. I’m afraid of what my anger would make me do.

We had checked into the hotel yesterday morning, each of us with a different room. It was the first night since we moved to the bunker that we’d slept apart. I walked her to her room, kissed her on the cheek, and told her that I would see her for lunch.

Our day went as planned. There were no hiccups, and we were so ready to be married.

Last night is was went wrong. She came to my room, with a spare key. All she wanted was to lay together for a bit before heading back to her room. What she saw wasn’t what she expected. I had one of the hotel maids against the wall. Her leg hiked up as I fucked her as hard as I could. She was frozen in place. What snapped me out of it was her gasp.

I looked at her, and instantly felt guilty. The regret settled in. I wouldn’t be marrying the woman I loved more than life itself. She turned and rushed out, sobbing. After I quickly adjusted myself, I ran out after her. I caught up to her right outside her room, trying to get me to talk to her. All she did was shove her ring at me. Do you know what really killed me?

She blamed herself.

I was stunned. How could she blame herself? All she had ever done… was love me.

I’m not sure what I think writing this would accomplish. Maybe I thought that writing it out would help me realize what the hell I was thinking. Which, clearly, I was not.

I’m sure you’ll see her before me. I’d have you tell her I love her, but we both know that she wouldn’t believe it.

I’ll see you around, Sammy. Take care of her for me, yeah?

- _Dean_


End file.
